May 2013
37 posts
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A Reprieve!
Jacques Cousteau must have forgotten that I agreed to go to that electronica show with him and asked me, again, if I was interested. I mentioned that the weather is supposed to be really nice that night, and maybe we should do something outside, instead. I’m hopeful that this will work. Although, I don’t know why it matters, I don’t see this going beyond two dates. We don’t...
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I Need You in My Life
Sparkling Pineapple Rum Cocktail
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Keep Your Hands Off
Caramel Bacon Popcorn
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Stay Cool this Summer
Strawberry Daiquiri Popsicles
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You are So Beautiful, To Me →
Homemade Kahlua
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Hello, I Love You
Gnocchi alla Sorrentino
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Oy Veys Mere*
With my mother’s strong urging I agreed to go to an electronica concert with Jacques Cousteau. I am already regretting this. What do you even do on a second date, at a concert, where you probably won’t be able to hear anything, but the music? Maybe if I jam earplugs in far enough he won’t be able to see them and I will be spared some of the noise. Alternatively, I could go to the...
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Feh*
Jacques Cousteau asked me to an electronica concert. Let’s just say I am not a fan. Is there a polite way to say “no way will I go to that show, but I’d still like to see you?”
*”Yuck” in Yiddish
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None for You
The OkC app won’t open on my phone. It’s like my phone is judging me.
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I Need Chocolate, Stat!
My friend just told me about a good friend of hers who joined Match and found a great guy right off the bat. I love these stories and I hate them. Love them because it’s nice to hear that people are successful. Hate them because I haven’t been successful in the three plus years I’ve been doing online dating. I think I’ll binge on chocolate, now, and beat the crap out of a pad in krav, later.
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Laugh Away
I just joined gym that offers a pole dancing exercise class. I’m considering taking it. This is how I imagine it plays out: the instructor shows us a move. I look at her and then I look at my pole. I stifle a giggle and then give it a whirl (literally, maybe). I see myself being in terrible pain. Speaking of which, I signed up for MuayThai, today.
Good thing black and blue go with everything.
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So Kind of You
To correct my grammar. I won’t be responding to your email, though. I’m going to behave like a child since you made me feel like one.
Cover Your F*cking Mouth!
Someone just sneezed on me on the metro. I hate people.
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Nooooooooooo!
My Krav Maga studio will not be offering classes after May. I’m so upset and scrambling to find another place in DC that isn’t crazy expensive. As far as I can tell, there aren’t any. I think I’m going to try Muay Thai, instead. Watch out fellas, I’m going to be a real knockout! (That was a terrible pun, I’m sorry).
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Here I Go Again
My Living Social Match deal expired today and like a fool I signed up to continue my membership. I’m considering padding my walls, now, for the inevitable head banging.
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Cross Your Fingers for Me
Jacques Cousteau and I spoke over the phone and there were a few awkward silences. However, he did ask to see me again. I’m not getting excited, though, as I haven’t gotten passed a second date since I’ve been back in DC. That said, cross your fingers for me. He’s a really nice guy.
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Visceral Dislike
If you wear your phone clipped to your belt don’t bother writing me. I will not respond, at least, not with anything polite.
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You're Going to What?
Turns out Jacques Cousteau enjoyed himself, as well (I’m always surprised when they do). He emailed me and told me he would like to see me again and would call me later (like on a phone). He even asked when would be a good time to chat. I don’t remember the last time I spoke with a guy on the phone. I’m kind of nervous. There’s no escaping awkward silence on the phone. On the...
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My Little Secret
Another person told me to take krav maga off my profile and not to mention it on dates. I think I might follow their advice, albeit grudgingly. I don’t see why it’s such a turn off to guys, though.
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Au Revoir
The second half of my doubleheader went very well, I thought. This generally means I will not hear from him again. Au revoir, Jacques Cousteau.
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Strike
The first date of my dating doubleheader had all the excitement of an ingrown hair. Hopefully, Jacques Cousteau will have more personality than the limp (formerly flying) Dutchman.
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Hand it Over
Strawberry Prosecco Rossini
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Double Date
Saturday is shaping up to be the apex of my online dating saga. I have back to back dates. The first guy, aka the Flying Dutchman, is Dutch, swarthy (like me), and Jewish. The second guy, aka Jacques Cousteau (he’s a marine biologist), is tall, blond, and Jewish. I’m supposed to meet one at 3:00 and the other later in the evening. I have a sneaking suspicion that one, or both of them,...
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Time Well Spent
I get bored and shop online. Thank you, Amazon, for your massive selection of reasonably priced things I don’t need. Cookbooks and socks and makeup, oh my!
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Being Discreet
A flask that looks like an iphone. It’s genius!
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Why Didn't I Think of This?
Pretzels with Steak Seasoning
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A Sense of Longing
I was just on Facebook. It seems everyone I know has a baby. I do feel a sense of longing, but it’s for a Bellini, not a baby. I would take an attractive, tall, and employed man over the Bellini, though. I think they might be a myth, however.
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Starch + Traif = Yum
Sweet Potato & Bacon Latkes
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Derby Days
Mint Julep
*Ladies, don’t forget your sundresses and giant ass hats.
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Leave Me to My Trail Mix
Self doubt is the kind of thing that creeps up on me. I don’t know it’s coming until it’s washed over me and I feel like crap. I’ve just eaten a mountain of trail mix and am contemplating what’s wrong with me that makes it seemingly impossible for me to meet a nice, STD free guy, who’s employed, and not pint sized.
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Naming the Puppy
I have a new rule. A guy’s phone number will remain nameless until I’ve known him for at least a month. Without fail, every time I add a guy to my contacts list he disappears within the week. Thus, in the hopes of making it to at least a third date, I will not name the puppy.
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My Online Dating Matches of Late
“A shtik fleish mit tzvei eigen,” which translates to “a piece of meat with two eyes.” I love Yiddish.
* Pronounced: a stick flaysh mitt tzvay aygen
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April 2013
42 posts
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Restaurant Chatter
An overheard remark: “I need a dick in my eye.” I’m sorry?
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I Cry for You
Chocolate Ganache Glazed Doughnuts
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Sweet Brew
Beer & Brown Sugar Cookies
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High End Traif →
Sweet Potato Gnocchi with Apples, Bacon & Balsamic
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Common Courtesy
I was supposed to have a date tonight with this fellow I’ve been chatting with. We set the day (on Wednesday), but he said he would get back to me with a time and place. It’s now Friday and I haven’t heard a peep from him. He’s allowed to change his mind, I’m not crushed, but at least have the courtesy to let me know. A simple “I changed my mind” would...
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Not Going as Well as I'd Hoped
My reactions to the last matches Match.com sent me:
“meh”
“egad!”
“I think I’ll look into freezing my eggs”
Loud snort
Banged my head against my desk
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Coincidence?
I was on Match for five minutes when I was suddenly overcome with nausea. Online dating makes me sick, literally.
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Where Have You Been All My Life?
Maple Bacon Rice Krispie Treats
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Paul Bunyan
A fellow with the screen name BeefSupreme just wrote me. He looks like a lumberjack, spells like a third grader, and his name sounds like a Taco Bell menu item. My heart is aflutter.
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I'm Tired Just Thinking About It
I hate looking for an apartment. It’s more tedious than online dating. Though, the end result is, generally, much better.
